While visiting my hometown over the weekend, I had to attend a family gathering. Unlike our normal family gatherings that occur every weekend (which include only around ten immediate family members), this gathering included three of my grandmother's first cousins once removed, my half-great uncle's children and their children, and other relatives I could not even name. Needless to say, it was a large number of invitees–– so large that the dining table did not fit.
Common perceptions of Saudi Arabian family gatherings would immediately hold the assumption that they are gender segregated. That is not the case with all gatherings, as it differs between families, and it is definitely not the case with this gathering. Fortunately, due to this lack of segregation, I was able to observe displays of both male and female "power" in this gathering.
Males in the gathering sat down for the majority of the gathering's duration. They spoke of serious matters. Whenever a topic would become increasingly grim or sensitive, a man would typically immediately change the subject by the means of comedy, such as ridiculing the issue at hand in a light-hearted manner or cracking a random joke. As predicted, the only time the men got up was when the lamb (the main meal of the gathering) was ready to be served. For readers unfamiliar with Arab cuisine, the lamb was served whole––head, limbs, and so on. Three men had to carry the lamb to the table, an act that can easily be considered a public display of masculine power by many.
Most of the females in the gathering never actually sat down. They would task themselves with helping the maids set up the table and serving juices and dates to the guests. Those who sat down engaged in typically female conversations. Mothers discussed schools and children, while younger females discussed recent restaurant openings and the latest trends. Eventually, more serious social topics were discussed, such as the recent changes in the sponsorship system in the country. As one may expect, though, this topic was only discussed by the women as soon as a man initiated the topic and then involved the women in the discussion. This is no way indicative of a lack of intellect on the women's part, certainly not from a sociological perspective. This is merely indicative of what topics seem to be socially acceptable for women to discuss amongst themselves, even if the women are well-informed of social matters such as the Saudi Arabian sponsorship system (a system that is also implemented by the country's GCC neighbor Qatar).
Interestingly enough, a strange manifestation of segregation was also noted. While the gathering was strictly not gender segregated, the majority of the invitees had the tendency to isolate themselves by gender anyway. Younger females, including myself, sat in a further, more isolated part of the room. It was isolated enough that we could not see the other side of the room but still hear the rest of our family converse. The men and older women, such as mothers and grandmothers, were seated in the main, larger section of the room. Nevertheless, they, too, somewhat divided themselves by gender. Some women sat with the men and some men sat with the women. I found that it all depended on the topic that was being discussed at the time, and was not due to any particular social discomfort with the other gender. The same could be said about the way I was seated with my younger female relatives. We probably only chose to be isolated because we wanted the freedom of discussing our lives abroad as international university students.
Despite changing times, displays of both masculine and feminine behavior remain the same. The same concept also applies to expectations of masculine and feminine behavior, and everyone acts accordingly to avoid social "punishment". Despite the fact that at some points during the gathering, I felt that I did not want to discuss food and fashion, I felt that I had no other choice...somewhat. While I could have initiated a serious topic with both the males and the females in the family, my attempts would have been dismissed most likely due to my young age and gender. While that is in no way a sure determinant of intelligence, and while everyone in the gathering most likely believed that, society constructed it otherwise. In such a large setting, everyone feels that it is safer to stick to the boundaries set by social norms. I am almost certain of that because I know that in our smaller weekly gatherings that only include my immediate relatives, I can more confidently discuss serious matters and I would be taken seriously. Despite the fact that all of my immediate family members were present, that same confidence was not present due to the socially sensitive situation we were placed in due to the large number of family members, all with differing ages and, of course, genders.
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| The dining table that only fit the fifteen seniors of the family |
Common perceptions of Saudi Arabian family gatherings would immediately hold the assumption that they are gender segregated. That is not the case with all gatherings, as it differs between families, and it is definitely not the case with this gathering. Fortunately, due to this lack of segregation, I was able to observe displays of both male and female "power" in this gathering.
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| What was not the case in my family's gathering. |
Most of the females in the gathering never actually sat down. They would task themselves with helping the maids set up the table and serving juices and dates to the guests. Those who sat down engaged in typically female conversations. Mothers discussed schools and children, while younger females discussed recent restaurant openings and the latest trends. Eventually, more serious social topics were discussed, such as the recent changes in the sponsorship system in the country. As one may expect, though, this topic was only discussed by the women as soon as a man initiated the topic and then involved the women in the discussion. This is no way indicative of a lack of intellect on the women's part, certainly not from a sociological perspective. This is merely indicative of what topics seem to be socially acceptable for women to discuss amongst themselves, even if the women are well-informed of social matters such as the Saudi Arabian sponsorship system (a system that is also implemented by the country's GCC neighbor Qatar).
Interestingly enough, a strange manifestation of segregation was also noted. While the gathering was strictly not gender segregated, the majority of the invitees had the tendency to isolate themselves by gender anyway. Younger females, including myself, sat in a further, more isolated part of the room. It was isolated enough that we could not see the other side of the room but still hear the rest of our family converse. The men and older women, such as mothers and grandmothers, were seated in the main, larger section of the room. Nevertheless, they, too, somewhat divided themselves by gender. Some women sat with the men and some men sat with the women. I found that it all depended on the topic that was being discussed at the time, and was not due to any particular social discomfort with the other gender. The same could be said about the way I was seated with my younger female relatives. We probably only chose to be isolated because we wanted the freedom of discussing our lives abroad as international university students.
Despite changing times, displays of both masculine and feminine behavior remain the same. The same concept also applies to expectations of masculine and feminine behavior, and everyone acts accordingly to avoid social "punishment". Despite the fact that at some points during the gathering, I felt that I did not want to discuss food and fashion, I felt that I had no other choice...somewhat. While I could have initiated a serious topic with both the males and the females in the family, my attempts would have been dismissed most likely due to my young age and gender. While that is in no way a sure determinant of intelligence, and while everyone in the gathering most likely believed that, society constructed it otherwise. In such a large setting, everyone feels that it is safer to stick to the boundaries set by social norms. I am almost certain of that because I know that in our smaller weekly gatherings that only include my immediate relatives, I can more confidently discuss serious matters and I would be taken seriously. Despite the fact that all of my immediate family members were present, that same confidence was not present due to the socially sensitive situation we were placed in due to the large number of family members, all with differing ages and, of course, genders.
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